OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAHere are my cats’ top eight questions.

When are you going to feed me? I fed you five minutes ago.

When are you going to feed me? I fed you seven minutes ago.

When are you going to feed me? I fed you eight minutes ago

Am I adopted? Yes, but you are my real child by another mother.

Why can’t we sell the dog for medical experiments? Because it’s too dangerous to place “for sale” ads on Craig’s List..

Why are your legs so weird? Humans were the prototype. God had perfected His design by the time He got around to making cats.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAWhy did you throw away the gift that I brought you? There aren’t any rodent recipes in the Mediterranean Diet cookbook.

Why do you wash everything I mark? Precision marking is an art form you know. Yellow clashes with the living room décor.

Why won’t you open the door? Again?

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