Monthly Archives: March 2015

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Viagra Research Improves the Lives of Rodents Everywhere

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(My apologies to my readers, but this blog doesn’t mention cats or writing except within this disclaimers saying they don’t appear. Additionally, the subject is in rather poor taste, but c’est la vie. The important point is that I am including some essential research about the cats’ favorite prey, the rodent.) Viagra

hamsterfaceToday is Viagra® Day, the 17th anniversary of the day the FDA approved the drug for, well you know.But Viagra is more than a drug that makes life miserable for Hugh Hefner’s 20-something-year-old wife. The Little Blue Pill also improves the quality of life for traveling hamsters.

You are going to be delighted to know (as I was) that several years ago scientists at a university lab discovered that Viagra helps hamsters overcome jet lag. Yes! Relieved rodent owners around the world are declaring, “Now Squeaks can get his little wang up!” Rodents suffering from a lack of libido or jet lag should be a concern to all animal lovers. In the past, these poor lab hamsters had to stop procreating long enough to scurry aboard a plane and travel cross-country. Now they can actually procreate while ON the plane!

hamsterplane2Rather than wasting good Viagra and plane trips on creatures who don’t have any problems reproducing in the first place (and who can’t tell the difference between the Grand Canyon and the bathroom at Grand Central Station), why don’t these Ivy Leaguers pass out little blue pills at retirement communities and send these sexy seniors on a second or fifth honeymoon to Hawaii. The experiment conducted in this manner has the added benefit of the human actually being able to say whether or not he feels lagged.

Which begs the question: how can you tell if a hamster has jet lag? I’ll probably never know. I guess I went to the wrong university.

 

Odd News

Cat Translator App Angers Kitty

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ER_FIen8Jjo

You know the proverb, “You only get one chance to make a first impression.” Penny Adams obviously made the wrong impression when she used a cat translator app to communicate with Flam the cat. Judging from his reaction, instead of telling Flam, “You are such a handsome boy,” Penny Adams’ cat translator must have said something more like, “You mom barks like a dog.”

When I was a little kid I loved the TV show McHale’s Navy starring Ernest Borgnine. During any given episode, in the midst of a crisis, the Japanese POW, Fuji, would cry out, “Oy vey!” I always giggled, but I have to admit, I didn’t know why.

Years later, one of my high school friends always exclaimed, “Oy vey!” when something unexpected happened. Translate2Finally I asked her what it meant. She answered, “It’s Japanese. The guy on McHale’s Navy used to say it.” I took her word for it.

Only after I met Debbie Waller did I learn that ‘oy vey’ was a Yiddish exclamation meaning, “Woe is me.” Which, of course, was the joke all along.

My point is, my Yiddish-spouting friend could have been repeating nonsense or even some truly offensive without intending to.

So how do I transition from McHale’s Navy to cat translator apps? Recently there have been a number of translation cell phone apps. I invested $6.95 to learn Spanish from a cat. (I kid you not. Cat Spanish. I can now say, “Donde esta el pescado?” “Where is the fish?”)

 

But other apps claim to translate English into Cat. A photographer named Penny Adams from Nashville was trying to photograph a friend’s brown tabby named Flam. In typical cat fashion, Flam wasn’t cooperating. So Penny activated her cat translator. Flam approached with interested before lashing out at Penny. We can only assume the app didn’t say, “Oy vey.” Whatever she said to Flam, obviously shouldn’t have been repeated in polite feline company.

Penny, you might have gotten a better reaction if you use the Cat Spanish app and to say, “Tengo pescado.” (I have fish.)

Translate

 

 

Odd News, Special Days

Texas Independence Day

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Texas Independence Day Cat
On Texas Independence Day, consider adopting a pet worthy of being called a Texan.

Today is Texas Independence Day, the 179th anniversary of the day the fledgling country adopted the Texas Declaration of Independence at Washington-on-the-Brazos. I’m a fifth generation Texan, and March 2 has great meaning to our family.

So while I was pondering the enormity of what the Texas founding fathers and defenders risked and sacrificed, I drew a couple of parallels to cats. Texans are known for our fierce independence; so are cats. Texans are proud, so are cats. Texans a reputation for take-no-crap. Kitties too.

Cats go back to our earliest Texas roots. A black cat even died with the defenders of the Alamo. More about the Alamo and her cats on March 6, the day the Alamo fell.

So Come on people of Texas, open your homes to an independent creature worthy to be called Texan!

And just for fun, here are some Texas truisms. And believe me, they ARE true. When you’re from Texas:

  • You understand that frozen precipitation seldom means snow. It usually means freezing rain, sleet, cobblestone ice and hail, but not snow.)

    snow cats copyright small
    Last week we actually had bona fide snow. The Texas tradition of sleet and freezing rain returned the following day
  • You use the word “y’all” not because you have a Texas accent, but because it’s a practical contraction.
  • You no longer associate bridges with water.
  • You no longer associate rivers with water.
  • You can say 110 degrees without fainting.
  • You realize asphalt has a liquid state.
  • You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.(Especially the old fashioned metal ones.)
  • You know that in July it takes only two fingers to drive your car.
  • You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.(Yup.)
  • Hot water comes out of both taps.
  • The mosquitoes have landing lights and can pick up small dogs.
  • You’ve ridden your brand new Christmas bicycle in shorts.
  • People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the ark.
  • It’s a common misconception that JR Ewing lived here. That was a TV show people! Chuck Norris, on the other hand, is a real, karate-choppin’ Texas Ranger.
  • It’s a common misconception that we have killer bees, fire ants, gigantic roaches and mosquitoes and other awful insects, tornadoes, hurricanes, and damaging hailstorms. We tend to think of them as a few bitty bugs and a bad hair day.