With luck and a good turnout, candidate Morris the Cat will earn the title Mayor Morris
I’ve heard that more and more vet schools and medical labs are moving away from lab rats in search of more humane alternatives. After an intensive investigation, a viable option has been found: politicians. After all, unlike rats, the lab techs don’t grow attached to baby-kissers, and politicians will do anything for a vote.
Add to that the fact that in popularity polls politicians land somewhere between amoebae and E.coli, it may be time to enlist a different species to hold political office. Tired of political corruption and governmental chaos, office worker Sergio Chamorro has drafted an unemployed candidate, who admittedly sleeps all day long, to run for mayor of Xalapa, the capital of the Mexican Gulf coast state of Veracruz. The nomination of the dark horse has even spawned a catchy campaign slogan, “Tired of Voting for Rats? Vote for a Cat.” Candidate Morris the Cat, an orange-eyed, black and white kitten, has attracted worldwide support, as well as 175,000 Facebook Likes.
The move gives those of us who are disgusted with two-legged politicians hope. The July 7 election in Mexico is not without precedent. Stubbs, a 16-year-old buff tabby, has been the elected mayor of Talkeetna, Alaska since July 1997.
In the ultimate homeless-makes-good story, Stubbs, along with his siblings, were abandoned in a cardboard box in the parking lot of Nagley’s General Store. Store manager, Lauri Stec, discovered the kittens. She kept Manx-mix and named him “Stubbs” because he didn’t have a tail.
In a 2012 interview with CNN, Stubbs’ campaign handler and Nagley’s manager praised the mayor’s achievements. “He doesn’t raise our taxes – we have no sales tax. He doesn\’t interfere with business. He’s honest. What more could we ask for in a leader?”
Over a decade and a half ago, Talkeetna residents rejected the humans listed on the ballot and wrote-in the name of the Manx-mix. Rumor has it that Stubbs’ mayoral title is only honorary, “not because he’s a cat, but because the 900-person town is a “historical district.” Regardless of whether Stubbs was duly elected or honorary, he is well-loved by his constituents and adored by tourists.
Some cats aspire for higher office. Last year, Hank the Cat ran an unsuccessful bid for U.S. Senate in the great state of Virginia. He was vying for the office occupied by James Webb (D). Hank placed third for the seat. Not bad considering the strength of his opponents’ name recognition: Former Gov. Tim Kaine (D) beat former Sen. George Allen (R). According to his Facebook page, Hank the Cat rounded up an impressive 7,300 write-in votes.
Sadly, our unenlightened government has decided that as a non-human, Hank was not actually eligible to hold federal office. We will have to work on this.
So Gentle Readers, it’s time to get our priorities in order and get serious about the state of our country. Let’s throw all those rats in Washington out of office and send them to the medical labs where they can actually do us some good. It’s time to elect truly Independent candidates. Next step, the White House! Rock on Morris the Cat and Hank. You have my vote
